Lowering the Feed Limit

My most faithful reader reminded me this morning that I should update this blog. I’ve had 4 points his morning with my breakfast.

I’m kinda suffering with a toothache, but I have a dentist appointment for Thursday morning. I took some aspirin this moring and I’m not in a lot of pain right now. I should make it until Thursday.

Wouldn’t it be great if my tooth hurt so much I couldn’t eat? Maybe I’d lose some weight.

See how I titled this post – Another Weigh-in Day. That’s how I think of Mondays now. It’s weigh in day. And you know what, I dread each and every one. For the past two weeks, I’ve pretty much maintained. Two weeks ago I was up .2 and maintained last week. I realize that’s not too bad, but this week I think I was pretty good.

Yes, we went to the parish festival on Friday night, but I only had a cheeseburger – no funnel cake, no junk food.

Then I mowed the lawn on Saturday. Of course, we went to Cheeburger Cheeburger and I had another cheeseburger and some fries, but I think it wasn’t so bad as I had a salad for supper. Then yesterday we went to a confirmation. My daughter was the sponsor for one of her friends and the confir-ee’s mom had gumbo after the service. I had one bowl of gumbo and a tiny piece of cake (probably an inch square and maybe 1.5 inches high – and Beloved had two bites of it including most of the icing) so I’m trying to stay confident about this weigh-in, but I never know. Oh, I also did 35 minutes of cardio yesterday (5 points).

So, we’ll see how things go. I’ll let you know.

Well, blogging my food and mood didn’t last long, did it?

I maintained at the last weigh-in. I’m glad I didn’t gain after the Boy’s birthday party on Sunday. I had three pieces of pizza but I didn’t have any cake and ice cream.

Seems like even when I think I’m doing well, at some point in the week I do something to sabotage myself. Like Sunday – I had two pieces of pizzas and later went back for a third piece. I didn’t need that third piece, but I get sidetracked by the taste of things. I knew that pizza would taste good, so I didn’t think about whether I was hungry; This is what’s behind my sneaking a couple of pieces of Easter candy from the kids’ baskets.

Chocolate takes good. That’s all it is.

This is something Weight Watchers doesn’t address. What to do when you just want something because it tastes good. I guess that’s the whole willpower stuff comes in.

Anyway, I’m back to tracking. Just the traditional putting down what I eat on the trackers they hand out for free in the meeting.

Beginning Points – 21

Breakfast smoothie – 6 points

– 15 points

MOOD: Had a fight with the Girl this morning. She’s not feeling well and wanted to stay in bed longer and have me drive her to campus, but since Dad works there, he didn’t want me to make an extra trip so either she had to stay home or get up and get ready when he was. As always seems to happen, I get involved, and both sides end up yelling at me. Add this to the fact that I’m suffering from the same cold she is, and I wasn’t a happy Mommy this morning. The Boy is doing better in school and we’re preparing for his 7th birthday party on Sunday. Finally, we got a yes from the emails I sent yesterday. So, it looks like at least two of his classmates (both girls) will be at the party.

I’m trying to be more productive today. I have Chapter 12 of Sword & Illusion to finish and then maybe there will be time for me to do some designing. I also need to exercise. I’ll report more later.

2:23 pm

80 minutes on the bike – 11 points (I’m only taking credit for half of the points.)

– 20 points

Salad – 5 points

– 15 points

fudge bar- 1 point

– 14 points

Ham sandwich – 5 points

– 9 points

Popcorn – 6 points

– 3 points.

Food/Exercise/points

Beginning – 21

My regular smoothie for breakfast but we don’t have skim milk so I used 2%. The points booklet that comes with point calculator and all that says 2% is only 2 points but the complete food companion says 3. Anyway, I figured 7 points for the smoothie. More than I normally eat for BF but I’m being honest today and it was 2% milk.

– 14 points

Slim-a-bear fudge bar – 1 point

– 13 points

Salad – 5 points

– 8 points

Another fudge bar – 1 point

– 7 points

Ham Sandwich – 2 points for bread/3 for 2.5 ounces of ham – 5 points

– 2 points

30 minutes of bike riding – 4 points

– 6 points

WW ice cream – 2 points/banana – 2 points/ff whipped topping 1 point – 5 points for dessert

– 1 point

———————

Mood:

I was up .2 this week which I guess isn’t surprising given that:

1. I ate Easter candy

2. We went to a BBQ on Thursday

3. I went out with a friend to a Chinese buffet on Saturday

4. I didn’t track.

Okay, I did a TON of exercise this past week which is a good thing or I’d have been up more.

I’m not sure I’ll be able to do the same this week, but I am going to try. I’m also going to track better, and I hope this blog will help keep me accountable.

I don’t know what happened today, but I was down .4! I’m totally stunned. I mean, we went to Carrabba’s on Saturday and I ate bread, Mozzarella sticks, most of the entree and half a dessert. I guess I must have done better the rest of the week than I thought.

The Girl was with me today as we had to run some errands after and since I was down, she “convinced” me to go out to lunch. I will admit to a splurgy lunch, but I had my normal lunch salad for supper so that might have made up for it.

Tomorrow, since I don’t have any thing on the calendar, I’ll be sure to ride the bike. With the Girl home, she can be my coach.

Any of you that read this, stop by www.nancysbrandt.com to see what else is going on in my life and if you are a digital scrapbooker, you’ll find some fun downloads, too!

Yes, it’s been a while since I updated this blog. I’ve been kinda focused on my other, main, one, and really didn’t feel like I had that much to say on the weight loss thing.

I’m not happy about how I’ve been doing. We went out Saturday night for our 22nd anniversary and I overindulged, but my excuse was that it was a special occasion. I’m not sure that’s a good enough excuse because i was pretty upset about it all day yesterday.

Today is weigh-in and like every Monday, I worry. I don’t even know from one week to the next what the scale is going to say even if I’ve logged everything and watched my points. i know i fudge a little but I try to take a couple of extra points just to cover the fudging.

Also, I tend to eat the same things every weekday so I do get a little lazy on logging because I kinda know in my head what the points are. None of this is what the program is about and I know that.

Then I end up beating myself up about it, too.

I’ve considered stopping WW because of this, but I know I need the support, if nothing else, of the meetings and the weekly weigh-ins on a consistent scale.

Beloved is going to buy me a BodyBugg next week. Knowing exactly what I’m buring off should help. Weight loss is a simple science – calories in vs. calories out. It’s just not that easy to do. I believe in what Weight Watchers is all about and I do want to work for them, but I’m not 100% sure the program works for me. I don’t know if it’s the drugs I’m on or what, but even when I think I’ve been perfect in my tracking, the scale often tells a different story. And I hate judging my worth based on a number on a scale.

I really need to get back on a winning streak and get this weight off.

I lost over 2 pounds, net, after Christmas and New Years. 2.4 actually. I was happy with that, and my daughter, who was my “coach” for those two weeks was pretty proud of me, even if I did gain .4 after New Years.

So I weighed in today.

Up 1.2.

Crud.

I know exactly what I did to mess up.

1. I didn’t track after about Tuesday. I tried to keep track in my head, since alot of what I eat is stuff I eat every day. I pretty much know the points. However,

2. I ate peanuts and chocolate chips. A lot. More peanuts than chocolate chips, but that’s not any better.

It’s a big deal to admit this here as I know my husband reads this and he didn’t know this stuff. If he looks in the backseat of the van, he’ll see a half empty peanut can. Now, to be fair, it had been open already and was about a quarter gone when I went to pick up the Boy from school. I nibbled while I sat in the carpool line.

The reason it’s in the backseat is not because I tried to hide it but I wanted to get it as far away from as I could so I wouldn’t eat anymore than I did.

I know tracking works. I know it’s the only thing that does. Why don’t I do it?

Why do I beat myself up and feel like a failure all the time? (Yes, this kinda is a change of subject.)

This next birthday, in about 6 weeks, is a big milestone. I hesitate to actually write out the number because it feels so close to OLD.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my life and what I want to change. You know, I keep thinking that by this time of my life, I should be more together than I am. I should be established in a career, I should have given up my insecurities, I should stop wishing I were stunningly beautiful, I should feel better about who I am.

I don’t feel, in any way, together.

I know lots of people think I am. I’m a published author, I’m a cancer survivor and transplant recipient, I’m a creative woman.

But, deep down, I am still that girl in high school no boy wanted to go out with, the popular kids ignored, the one everyone just thought was a brain.

I want to be “hot” and at my age, that can’t happen anymore. I look at my daughter and she’s gorgeous and I feel like I missed out on that.

I know it shouldn’t matter. I’m happily married to a man who thinks I’m beautiful. Why can’t I be content with that?

Some of this has been brought on by old high school pictures someone put up on facebook. Lots of pictures from the yearbooks. Not one of me.

It was a small high school. All the kids in these pictures knew me. Some considered me a friend, but now it’s like i was invisible and this has brought back some old insecurities.

Add that to my getting older and I’m doing a lot of looking at myself and I don’t always like what I see.

Enough of this.

Maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow.

I told you I was getting serious and here I am, not updating this thing.

Well, with the Girl being home and acting like a Nazi coach, in the last two weeks, I’ve lost a net of 2.4 pounds!

Do you understand what that means?

Over Christmas week I LOST 2.8 pounds! That’s with the Grandparents here. Grandparents that buy bread and treats. My mother-in-law talks about wanting to lose weight, but she enjoys her chips and ice cream and cookies. I think part of my victory was because I wanted to show that I could do it even with the holidays and show her that you don’t just give up. I don’t know if she’ll notice or even care, but I was pretty proud of myself.

Last week, after New Year’s, I did gain .4 but that’s not too bad, I don’t think and what I’ve learned from watching The Biggest Loser is that a great week is often followed by a not so great week, so over all I’m pretty happy.

I didn’t track as well last week, so I’m trying harder this week.

I was out of the Weight Watchers loop for awhile because of the thyroid-ectomy, the subsequent discovery of cancer and treatment. When I went back I’d gained six pounds. Not totally surprising but still not something I was happy about. The next week, I was up a little bit, too.

However, I went back to meetings and turns out that the day they announced the new Momentum plan at my regular meeting, both Beloved and the Girl went to the meeting with me. Now the Girl is home from college and I was down a little the next meeting. However, this last meeting, Monday, I was up .2 even with her nagging me about tracking and all. I know it’s not a lot and I know that “it’s almost like maintaining” but I’m not happy.

For a long time I’ve suspected that there is something about me that makes it hard for the program to work for me and I get discouraged. I can stick faithfully to my points and work out hard several times a week, but I have no confidence when I weigh in that I’ll be down.

However, there isn’t any other option. I am now only about 4.2 pounds lighter than the weight I started WW at 3.5 years ago, and this just isn’t acceptable. I want to be at the weight I was the morning of the transplant – 143. I’d be thrilled to be at 155 – the top of my healthy weight range, but ultimately I’d love to be at 140.

I have to keep going. I have to be diligent about my points. I HAVE TO DO THIS.

Worked out for 50 minutes today – 7 points to save for Christmas day.

Monday when I went to Weight Watchers, I was up 6.8 pounds. Not truly surprising as I was off my thyroid meds for over four weeks and not really exercising at all, given that I was off said meds and kinda tired most of the time or isolated due to the radioactive iodine.

This week I did cardio twice (so far) and all my weight machines once. I should have gone today, but time just didn’t allow for it as I hd to take the Boy to his language therapy and then bring the Girl home from college around lunch time. Between those two things and housework, it just didn’t happen.

However, with the Girl home this weekend, I’m going to go to the Y tomorrow. I promised the Boy breakfast at Sonic, but of course, there’s nothing on their menu that’s WW friendly, so the Girl is going to take him while I run to the Y. She really is a good daughter!

I might get a chance to go again on Sunday but we’ll have to see. Usually the Boy wants to go swimming and if I can talk the Girl into watching him while I work out, that would be sweet, but if she doesn’t want to go, then I’ll end up watching him instead of working out. We’ll see what happens.

We got rid of the cable box so I won’t be able to watch Biggest Loser anymore and right after Amy did the “unthinkable” and voted against the Blue Team!!! She’s in for it now, I’m afraid.