Lowering the Feed Limit

Okay, so it sounds like something you’d need to see a doctor for, but after having this thing for only two full days, I’m convinced it’s going to help me finally get a handle on this weight loss thing.

I first heard of the Bodybugg because I’m a Biggest Loser addict and this season (I think) I heard them talk about how the contestants all wore one and I saw a couple of them on the arms of people on the show.

I checked out the website and saw a little bit about what this little gadget can do.

I showed the information to my husband. He knows how much I’ve been struggling with my weight.

In 1999, I lost 40+ pounds doing the Atkins diet, under the supervision of a doctor in the Atkins Center in New York City. And just so you know, it wasn’t just unlimited meat and fat, and it was very restrictive for me due to my kidney situation.

Anyway, I kept that weight off for two years until I had my kidney transplant in 2001. Then, due to the strong meds I have to take, I gained it all back.

So, since 2005, when we moved to Baton Rouge, I’ve been trying to find a way to get back to my pre-transplant weight.

I’ve been doing Weight Watchers for three years and I love this program. I love the support of the meetings, I love the good nutrition information and the whole “This is a life style” approach to healthy eating.

When I did Atkins, I didn’t enjoy the “diet.” I enjoyed that the weight came off quickly and I had so much energy, but the idea of eating like that forever just freaked me out.

Never again have a bagel? Never be able to have a cupcake or muffin? And, frankly, the Aktins bars made me gag. (This was 10 years ago and things may have changed. This is just my opinion based on what I experienced then.)

The doctor I saw talked about eating this restrictive way for the rest of my life and I knew I wasn’t going to.

So, when we moved here, I took a couple of weight loss classes at our local Y and I never really learned anything new about food, but I learned about the cardio machines and I loved the group atmosphere – knowing other people who were going through the same thing.

And I did lose some weight with that.

However, our instructor got pregnant and stopped the weight loss classes.

I thought I knew what I needed to do so I figured I could do it on my own.

Well, as you can figure out, given this blog, I couldn’t do it on my own.

I stopped logging food, slacked off on the exercise and kinda gave up.

I realized I needed some kind of support. My sister-in-law was doing Weight Watchers so I suggested to my husband that I try that.

After joining WW, I got to -18 pounds at one point and I really wanted to work for WW. But I just, for whatever reason, couldn’t lose that last few pounds I needed.

I’m back on the program now, and I’ve been doing pretty well. For the last two weeks I’ve done better tracking and have lost.

My husband has been talking about getting me a Bodybugg for awhile, and Friday when he came home from work he gave it to me.

Apparently, he’d ordered it without telling me and it was at our front door and I didn’t know it.

This cute little electronic gadget straps to my upper arm, against my tricep muscle, and it keeps track of all the calories I’m burning all the time. It uses body temp, air temp, heart rate and other body indicators to calculate my calorie burn.

BodyBugg

Then with a USB cable I can download that information into my computer and it shows me, in 15 minute intervals, the number of calories per minute – on average – I burned at that time.

It can also show me how many steps I’ve taken. It’s interesting to look at the chart and see that I took three steps at 3 am while I was asleep!

Beloved likes to look with me and figure out how many calories I burned cleaning the guinea pig cages or going to Mass. He’s actually jealous now. Hee Hee.

Like other weight loss programs, I need to log my food and then the program figures out what my calorie surplus or deficit is. Of course, to lose weight I need a deficit. So far, for the weekend, I had an almost 2000 calorie deficit.

The neat thing about this is, I’m aware that it’s tracking the calories all the time so I want to be more active. I know that typing on the computer isn’t burning very much, so already today, I’ve folded a load of laundry and swept the deck, just to get a little extra calories burned.

Always before, when I was only counting points, I was dependent on how intense I thought an exercise was. I could ride my bike at home and assume it was high intensity, but as the monitor on the bike is broken, I don’t know how fast or how far I rode. I think I overestimated my exercise points sometimes.
With the Bodybugg I can’t really do that. On the other hand, WW doesn’t give you many exercise points for weight training but my informal survey seems to indicate that I work off almost the same amount of calories lifting as walking.

I intend to say with Weight Watchers because I love the support system and their plan is something you can live with. I like actually tracking calories rather than points, though.

So far, I’ve only had this toy two days, so I can’t say whether I”ve lost any weight using it. I do have a weigh-in in a little while, but this won’t be an accurate test, but we’ll see how next week goes.

We went to Greenwood Plantation Saturday for a romantic overnight stay. It was wonderful, and beautiful as you can see from the picture above. We didn’t actually stay in the plantation itself but on the other side of a small lake, but we toured the plantation house twice and took a ton of pictures. I have an idea for a new book, this one a ghost story.

The biggest problem with this trip was that when I came back I’d gained 2.2 pounds. Beloved said not to worry; we were going to handle it, but you know, if you’re struggling to lose weight, you do worry.

A week ago, I’d been the lowest I’d been since the start of the year and here it is MAY and I’d finally gotten 7 pounds down. In one weekend I messed up it all.

Yes, it was a special occasion (it was my 50th birthday gift and Mother’s day), but that doesn’t matter or it shouldn’t. I should be able to do what everyone else can do. I should be able to lose 1 pound a week, but you know, I celebrate losses of .4. It’s pathetic.

I’ve been doing Weight Watchers for THREE YEARS, and YAY, I’ve lost 5 STINKIN’ POUNDS. I feel like giving up.

A few weeks ago, we went to Cheeburger Cheeburger, a yummy 50s style restaurant. The Girl loves it and she was right. It was fun and delicious.

However, nearly every other person in the place was overweight. Not a little. Not like, “I can stand to lose 20 pounds.” I’m talking Biggest Loser Week 1 heavy! I felt terrible sitting there. Was I going to look like that if I eat there?

Then there was this weird thought in my head. I looked at some of those people and I thought, “They don’t count points. They don’t worry about what they eat. They could have a chocolate peanut butter milkshake without feeling guilty.”

It seems like there was a freedom there. My biggest stumbling block is that food TASTES good and that’s what gets me eating when I’m not hungry. That’s what makes me want something fried and yummy but high in points. It’s what keeps me staring at my reflection and despairing that I’ll never get to my goal weight.

Then I watch the Biggest Loser and listen to these people talk about how unhappy they were when they were heavy. I listen to Jillian trying to get to the core of why they let themselves get this way and honestly, I can’t see some deep seated reason for me. I didn’t live through my parents’ divorce or watch my parents both eat until they were over 300 pounds. I don’t have a psychological reason for eating – I’m not trying to hide behind fat.

I lost 40 pounds on Atkins before my transplant and I kept it off for about 2 years. Then the prednisone and other drugs made it easy to gain the weight back. Now, I’m taking Prograf and according to Drugs.com one of the less common side effects in kidney transplant patients is weight gain. Is it possible that I’m fighting a losing battle?

I don’t want to use that as an excuse, and in July when I talk to my nephrologist I will ask him about it. I know I don’t track well enough. I hate tracking and I know that’s the problem. I just feel like when I have to write everything down, it means no more eating out, no more going to someone else’s house and eating. How can WW be a lifestyle if it means I never can do those things?

Seems like every weekend something comes up that sabotages the week. This weekend we have a wedding reception to go to, but fortunately, it’s at an Indian restaurant and I’m not a big fan of Indian food, so maybe I won’t eat much.

Today, I did some weights at the Y. I’ve let the weight training go because I don’t get points for that, but the last meeting was about metabolism and how important strength training is, so I’m trying to add more to increase my metabolism.

We’ll see how this next week goes.

Well, blogging my food and mood didn’t last long, did it?

I maintained at the last weigh-in. I’m glad I didn’t gain after the Boy’s birthday party on Sunday. I had three pieces of pizza but I didn’t have any cake and ice cream.

Seems like even when I think I’m doing well, at some point in the week I do something to sabotage myself. Like Sunday – I had two pieces of pizzas and later went back for a third piece. I didn’t need that third piece, but I get sidetracked by the taste of things. I knew that pizza would taste good, so I didn’t think about whether I was hungry; This is what’s behind my sneaking a couple of pieces of Easter candy from the kids’ baskets.

Chocolate takes good. That’s all it is.

This is something Weight Watchers doesn’t address. What to do when you just want something because it tastes good. I guess that’s the whole willpower stuff comes in.

Anyway, I’m back to tracking. Just the traditional putting down what I eat on the trackers they hand out for free in the meeting.

Beginning Points – 21

Breakfast smoothie – 6 points

– 15 points

MOOD: Had a fight with the Girl this morning. She’s not feeling well and wanted to stay in bed longer and have me drive her to campus, but since Dad works there, he didn’t want me to make an extra trip so either she had to stay home or get up and get ready when he was. As always seems to happen, I get involved, and both sides end up yelling at me. Add this to the fact that I’m suffering from the same cold she is, and I wasn’t a happy Mommy this morning. The Boy is doing better in school and we’re preparing for his 7th birthday party on Sunday. Finally, we got a yes from the emails I sent yesterday. So, it looks like at least two of his classmates (both girls) will be at the party.

I’m trying to be more productive today. I have Chapter 12 of Sword & Illusion to finish and then maybe there will be time for me to do some designing. I also need to exercise. I’ll report more later.

2:23 pm

80 minutes on the bike – 11 points (I’m only taking credit for half of the points.)

– 20 points

Salad – 5 points

– 15 points

fudge bar- 1 point

– 14 points

Ham sandwich – 5 points

– 9 points

Popcorn – 6 points

– 3 points.

I lost over 2 pounds, net, after Christmas and New Years. 2.4 actually. I was happy with that, and my daughter, who was my “coach” for those two weeks was pretty proud of me, even if I did gain .4 after New Years.

So I weighed in today.

Up 1.2.

Crud.

I know exactly what I did to mess up.

1. I didn’t track after about Tuesday. I tried to keep track in my head, since alot of what I eat is stuff I eat every day. I pretty much know the points. However,

2. I ate peanuts and chocolate chips. A lot. More peanuts than chocolate chips, but that’s not any better.

It’s a big deal to admit this here as I know my husband reads this and he didn’t know this stuff. If he looks in the backseat of the van, he’ll see a half empty peanut can. Now, to be fair, it had been open already and was about a quarter gone when I went to pick up the Boy from school. I nibbled while I sat in the carpool line.

The reason it’s in the backseat is not because I tried to hide it but I wanted to get it as far away from as I could so I wouldn’t eat anymore than I did.

I know tracking works. I know it’s the only thing that does. Why don’t I do it?

Why do I beat myself up and feel like a failure all the time? (Yes, this kinda is a change of subject.)

This next birthday, in about 6 weeks, is a big milestone. I hesitate to actually write out the number because it feels so close to OLD.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my life and what I want to change. You know, I keep thinking that by this time of my life, I should be more together than I am. I should be established in a career, I should have given up my insecurities, I should stop wishing I were stunningly beautiful, I should feel better about who I am.

I don’t feel, in any way, together.

I know lots of people think I am. I’m a published author, I’m a cancer survivor and transplant recipient, I’m a creative woman.

But, deep down, I am still that girl in high school no boy wanted to go out with, the popular kids ignored, the one everyone just thought was a brain.

I want to be “hot” and at my age, that can’t happen anymore. I look at my daughter and she’s gorgeous and I feel like I missed out on that.

I know it shouldn’t matter. I’m happily married to a man who thinks I’m beautiful. Why can’t I be content with that?

Some of this has been brought on by old high school pictures someone put up on facebook. Lots of pictures from the yearbooks. Not one of me.

It was a small high school. All the kids in these pictures knew me. Some considered me a friend, but now it’s like i was invisible and this has brought back some old insecurities.

Add that to my getting older and I’m doing a lot of looking at myself and I don’t always like what I see.

Enough of this.

Maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow.

I told you I was getting serious and here I am, not updating this thing.

Well, with the Girl being home and acting like a Nazi coach, in the last two weeks, I’ve lost a net of 2.4 pounds!

Do you understand what that means?

Over Christmas week I LOST 2.8 pounds! That’s with the Grandparents here. Grandparents that buy bread and treats. My mother-in-law talks about wanting to lose weight, but she enjoys her chips and ice cream and cookies. I think part of my victory was because I wanted to show that I could do it even with the holidays and show her that you don’t just give up. I don’t know if she’ll notice or even care, but I was pretty proud of myself.

Last week, after New Year’s, I did gain .4 but that’s not too bad, I don’t think and what I’ve learned from watching The Biggest Loser is that a great week is often followed by a not so great week, so over all I’m pretty happy.

I didn’t track as well last week, so I’m trying harder this week.