Lowering the Feed Limit

We went to Greenwood Plantation Saturday for a romantic overnight stay. It was wonderful, and beautiful as you can see from the picture above. We didn’t actually stay in the plantation itself but on the other side of a small lake, but we toured the plantation house twice and took a ton of pictures. I have an idea for a new book, this one a ghost story.

The biggest problem with this trip was that when I came back I’d gained 2.2 pounds. Beloved said not to worry; we were going to handle it, but you know, if you’re struggling to lose weight, you do worry.

A week ago, I’d been the lowest I’d been since the start of the year and here it is MAY and I’d finally gotten 7 pounds down. In one weekend I messed up it all.

Yes, it was a special occasion (it was my 50th birthday gift and Mother’s day), but that doesn’t matter or it shouldn’t. I should be able to do what everyone else can do. I should be able to lose 1 pound a week, but you know, I celebrate losses of .4. It’s pathetic.

I’ve been doing Weight Watchers for THREE YEARS, and YAY, I’ve lost 5 STINKIN’ POUNDS. I feel like giving up.

A few weeks ago, we went to Cheeburger Cheeburger, a yummy 50s style restaurant. The Girl loves it and she was right. It was fun and delicious.

However, nearly every other person in the place was overweight. Not a little. Not like, “I can stand to lose 20 pounds.” I’m talking Biggest Loser Week 1 heavy! I felt terrible sitting there. Was I going to look like that if I eat there?

Then there was this weird thought in my head. I looked at some of those people and I thought, “They don’t count points. They don’t worry about what they eat. They could have a chocolate peanut butter milkshake without feeling guilty.”

It seems like there was a freedom there. My biggest stumbling block is that food TASTES good and that’s what gets me eating when I’m not hungry. That’s what makes me want something fried and yummy but high in points. It’s what keeps me staring at my reflection and despairing that I’ll never get to my goal weight.

Then I watch the Biggest Loser and listen to these people talk about how unhappy they were when they were heavy. I listen to Jillian trying to get to the core of why they let themselves get this way and honestly, I can’t see some deep seated reason for me. I didn’t live through my parents’ divorce or watch my parents both eat until they were over 300 pounds. I don’t have a psychological reason for eating – I’m not trying to hide behind fat.

I lost 40 pounds on Atkins before my transplant and I kept it off for about 2 years. Then the prednisone and other drugs made it easy to gain the weight back. Now, I’m taking Prograf and according to Drugs.com one of the less common side effects in kidney transplant patients is weight gain. Is it possible that I’m fighting a losing battle?

I don’t want to use that as an excuse, and in July when I talk to my nephrologist I will ask him about it. I know I don’t track well enough. I hate tracking and I know that’s the problem. I just feel like when I have to write everything down, it means no more eating out, no more going to someone else’s house and eating. How can WW be a lifestyle if it means I never can do those things?

Seems like every weekend something comes up that sabotages the week. This weekend we have a wedding reception to go to, but fortunately, it’s at an Indian restaurant and I’m not a big fan of Indian food, so maybe I won’t eat much.

Today, I did some weights at the Y. I’ve let the weight training go because I don’t get points for that, but the last meeting was about metabolism and how important strength training is, so I’m trying to add more to increase my metabolism.

We’ll see how this next week goes.

I didn’t update yesterday’s post, but I was down .4 at the weigh in. Yeah, it’s not a lot. In fact it means that in three weeks, I was only down .2.

Still though, since the WW topic was positive thoughts, I will keep in mind that this is the lowest I’ve been since the beginning of the year. Yeah, it’s been 5 months, but I’m already convinced that it’s going to take me years to get down another 10 pounds, the amount I need to lose to start working for WW and then another 10 to be at the top of my healthy weight. AND if you’ve read this blog before, you’ll know I want to lose another 12 pounds after that to be at the weight I was the morning of my kidney transplant.

Today so far, I’ve had 4 points for breakfast and did 41 minutes of stationary bike riding while watching In Plain Sight on Hulu.com.

Now to make my famous/favorite salad!

Beginning Points – 21

Breakfast smoothie – 6 points

– 15 points

MOOD: Had a fight with the Girl this morning. She’s not feeling well and wanted to stay in bed longer and have me drive her to campus, but since Dad works there, he didn’t want me to make an extra trip so either she had to stay home or get up and get ready when he was. As always seems to happen, I get involved, and both sides end up yelling at me. Add this to the fact that I’m suffering from the same cold she is, and I wasn’t a happy Mommy this morning. The Boy is doing better in school and we’re preparing for his 7th birthday party on Sunday. Finally, we got a yes from the emails I sent yesterday. So, it looks like at least two of his classmates (both girls) will be at the party.

I’m trying to be more productive today. I have Chapter 12 of Sword & Illusion to finish and then maybe there will be time for me to do some designing. I also need to exercise. I’ll report more later.

2:23 pm

80 minutes on the bike – 11 points (I’m only taking credit for half of the points.)

– 20 points

Salad – 5 points

– 15 points

fudge bar- 1 point

– 14 points

Ham sandwich – 5 points

– 9 points

Popcorn – 6 points

– 3 points.

Food/Exercise/points

Beginning – 21

My regular smoothie for breakfast but we don’t have skim milk so I used 2%. The points booklet that comes with point calculator and all that says 2% is only 2 points but the complete food companion says 3. Anyway, I figured 7 points for the smoothie. More than I normally eat for BF but I’m being honest today and it was 2% milk.

– 14 points

Slim-a-bear fudge bar – 1 point

– 13 points

Salad – 5 points

– 8 points

Another fudge bar – 1 point

– 7 points

Ham Sandwich – 2 points for bread/3 for 2.5 ounces of ham – 5 points

– 2 points

30 minutes of bike riding – 4 points

– 6 points

WW ice cream – 2 points/banana – 2 points/ff whipped topping 1 point – 5 points for dessert

– 1 point

———————

Mood:

I was up .2 this week which I guess isn’t surprising given that:

1. I ate Easter candy

2. We went to a BBQ on Thursday

3. I went out with a friend to a Chinese buffet on Saturday

4. I didn’t track.

Okay, I did a TON of exercise this past week which is a good thing or I’d have been up more.

I’m not sure I’ll be able to do the same this week, but I am going to try. I’m also going to track better, and I hope this blog will help keep me accountable.

Yes, it’s been a while since I updated this blog. I’ve been kinda focused on my other, main, one, and really didn’t feel like I had that much to say on the weight loss thing.

I’m not happy about how I’ve been doing. We went out Saturday night for our 22nd anniversary and I overindulged, but my excuse was that it was a special occasion. I’m not sure that’s a good enough excuse because i was pretty upset about it all day yesterday.

Today is weigh-in and like every Monday, I worry. I don’t even know from one week to the next what the scale is going to say even if I’ve logged everything and watched my points. i know i fudge a little but I try to take a couple of extra points just to cover the fudging.

Also, I tend to eat the same things every weekday so I do get a little lazy on logging because I kinda know in my head what the points are. None of this is what the program is about and I know that.

Then I end up beating myself up about it, too.

I’ve considered stopping WW because of this, but I know I need the support, if nothing else, of the meetings and the weekly weigh-ins on a consistent scale.

Beloved is going to buy me a BodyBugg next week. Knowing exactly what I’m buring off should help. Weight loss is a simple science – calories in vs. calories out. It’s just not that easy to do. I believe in what Weight Watchers is all about and I do want to work for them, but I’m not 100% sure the program works for me. I don’t know if it’s the drugs I’m on or what, but even when I think I’ve been perfect in my tracking, the scale often tells a different story. And I hate judging my worth based on a number on a scale.

I really need to get back on a winning streak and get this weight off.

I was out of the Weight Watchers loop for awhile because of the thyroid-ectomy, the subsequent discovery of cancer and treatment. When I went back I’d gained six pounds. Not totally surprising but still not something I was happy about. The next week, I was up a little bit, too.

However, I went back to meetings and turns out that the day they announced the new Momentum plan at my regular meeting, both Beloved and the Girl went to the meeting with me. Now the Girl is home from college and I was down a little the next meeting. However, this last meeting, Monday, I was up .2 even with her nagging me about tracking and all. I know it’s not a lot and I know that “it’s almost like maintaining” but I’m not happy.

For a long time I’ve suspected that there is something about me that makes it hard for the program to work for me and I get discouraged. I can stick faithfully to my points and work out hard several times a week, but I have no confidence when I weigh in that I’ll be down.

However, there isn’t any other option. I am now only about 4.2 pounds lighter than the weight I started WW at 3.5 years ago, and this just isn’t acceptable. I want to be at the weight I was the morning of the transplant – 143. I’d be thrilled to be at 155 – the top of my healthy weight range, but ultimately I’d love to be at 140.

I have to keep going. I have to be diligent about my points. I HAVE TO DO THIS.

Worked out for 50 minutes today – 7 points to save for Christmas day.

We’re not going to talk about how Weight Watchers was due to a bad (high) number on the scale which is in no way indicative how how I’ve been saying on program.

Today, kiddies, we’re going to talk about food!!!

I always put something in the crockpot on Sundays because we go to 6 pm mass. Beloved and the Girl sing in the contemporary choir at 6 but they have to be there at 5 for rehearsal. This makes eating dinner problematic for us.

Anyway, on a suggestion from a friend on plurk, I found this site: A Year of Crockpotting. I love my crock pot. Always have, even when I was such a lazy housekeeper that I had to put a chore card in my box that said, “Wash crock pot.” If I hadn’t had that card, sometimes the crock pot would sit for days with dead food in it.

Okay, that was my confession for the day!

Anyway, this summer I’ve been using the crock pot on Thursdays, too. Thursday is the day the Boy has piano lessons at 3 and art lessons at 6. Since Beloved doesn’t get home until after we leave for art, that means that I couldn’t start dinner until after 7 and the crock pot is just easier.

I found this recipe: Super Easy Crock Pot Lasagna. We tried this last night.

Now, first off, it was yummy and easy.

I went to the store first thing yesterday morning to get the supplies. I looked for very lean hamburger or ground turkey, but for some reason at 7:30 am, our grocery store had nothing like this. Side note: the latest flyer says ground turkey is on sale this week!

So, since I didn’t want to try running around to some other store, I got creative and bought a bag of broccoli slaw.

Other than that, I made this (oh, wait, I got fat free cottage cheese instead of ricotta) just as she said, layering everything and turning the crock pot on low.

It was yummy. The noodles were a little mushy, so I may have put too much water in, but it tasted good and got the family’s approval. The great thing, okay two great things:

1. No meat, so we can eat it tonight, too! (Sweet!)
2. Only 6 points according to WW Recipe Builder, the way I made it!

Next – Rice Krispie Treats in the crock pot???

I love Weight Watchers. I really do. I think they have a great program, they teach good stuff about nutrition and exercise and making good choices. I love the support system that CAN develop with a good leader and a good group.

I’m wondering if there is something wrong with my system that it doesn’t work for me. I’m on immunosuppressents and I don’t know if they inhibit weight loss and there seems to be some chance that I’m having some thyroid trouble which might account for some of my problems, but in FIVE WEEKS of tracking and exercise and making good food choices I haven’t lost ANYTHING!

Okay, let’s put this in perspective. The week I had the huge point blow out by going to Cold Stone, I lost .6.

The next week I lost 1.4. Cool, two pounds in two weeks. I thought I had things under control.

The next week (week three) I gained two pounds! I thought, hmmm, maybe it was sodium from the individual pizza I’d had for dinner Sunday night – which I had the points for! So, okay, maybe sodium. Now it was three weeks with no loss.

Then last week (week four) I lost THREE POUNDS! Okay, I thought, it was the sodium and I’m down another pound. Good deal. Three pounds in four weeks. Not too shabby.

Yesterday I went to WW right before I had to run to the endocrinologist and I had GAINED THREE POUNDS! Gang, I’ve done the same thing all of these weeks. Okay, maybe last week I had a few chocolate chip cookies, that I put in my tracker, and kept count of my points and exercised and all that.

So now I’m at five weeks with no loss. This is getting to the point where I don’t even freak out anymore about gains. I do the same thing week after week and have no idea what the scale is going to say.

I’m not even worrying about working for WW anymore. If it happens, it happens. I’m going to tell the Territorial Director to take me off the employment rolls just so I don’t feel like I’m “stealing” from the company by getting the smoothies at half price due to my employee card. It’ll mean paying for the monthly pass again, but I gotta do what I gotta do.

Saturday Special

In an effort to actually have something interesting to say, I plan to do these kinds of things as well as updating you all on my weight loss journey. See below for today’s news.

It’s Perfect ~ Fill In The Blanks~

A perfect day is one where I don’t have to do anything but relax and read or watch something I’ve DVR’d. No cleaning, no picking out clothes for a child, no cooking, just me and whatever I want to do?

A perfect dinner is Oh, seriously? Something cooked by someone else, preferably one with no points but tastes yummy and fattening and ends with the most luscious dessert known to man, still with no points?

A perfect evening is home with my husband, the kids in bed or at least in their rooms. Beloved and I are watching Battlestar Galactica or some other show of ours the kids don’t like and we’re eating popcorn and having fun commenting on the action?

A perfect vacation is one I can’t have anymore – a week at that cabin in Canada I love so much with nothing to do but lounge around, swim or sleep or read or whatever. No phone, no computer, no obligations.

In weight loss news, I’m going on five weeks of sticking to my points completely and the third week of actually trying to eat the points not just horde them and end up with at ton Sunday night. I’m down two pounds since Theresa suggested I actually EAT. I went a little overboard last night because I finished my book (see The Romancechick Speaks for more info) and I mowed the lawn today (front and back) and planned to not log those activity points, but Beloved suggested I just track EVERYTHING.

I found the coolest stuff: Weight Watchers Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream! HEAVEN! I love mint chocolate chip but hate when the chips are tiny. WW uses chunks – relatively speaking, but they aren’t the mini chips they use in the Cookie Dough ice cream. I bought some more of the mint today as the family has regular ice cream for them.

Tomorrow is my usual go to the gym day. Our Y opens at 1 and closes at 5, but we have to be at mass at five for Beloved and the Girl to practice with the choir. Usually, we go as soon as we can after 1 and I exercise for about an hour which gives me time to get home, shower, get the Boy showered and dressed and relax a bit before we have to leave around 4:45.

Next week is VBS at church and I should go tomorrow afternoon to get ready, but I’m doing the drama part. My part is done first thing every morning and we use the sanctuary. Because of daily mass at 8:45 and VBS beginning at 9 and my part at 9:30 there isn’t really anything I can set up.  I looked over Monday’s “performance” and I don’t need to have costumes or anything special so I think I’ can just wait until I’m done on Monday to figure out where things are and talk to my helpers. We will need sticky dots and “caution tape” which I will ask about when I get there before mass tomorrow or when I arrive early Monday morning.

Hope you’re having a great weekend!

Things have been working better since my talk with Theresa two weeks ago. I went out and binged with Cold Stone ice cream two weeks ago (that Monday) and I ended up losing .6 that week. This week, after not exactly binging but trying to eat more points, I lost 1.4. So that’s two pounds in two weeks. Pretty good.

This past Monday I did a bit of a binge, too, but I didn’t actually count points. I estimated and marked them off my tracker. So, I’ve been trying to make up for it a bit by working out for 95 minutes on Tuesday and I’m going to the Y this morning, too. I don’t want to, but I really need to.

Hope everyone else is having a good day.