Lowering the Feed Limit

We went to Greenwood Plantation Saturday for a romantic overnight stay. It was wonderful, and beautiful as you can see from the picture above. We didn’t actually stay in the plantation itself but on the other side of a small lake, but we toured the plantation house twice and took a ton of pictures. I have an idea for a new book, this one a ghost story.

The biggest problem with this trip was that when I came back I’d gained 2.2 pounds. Beloved said not to worry; we were going to handle it, but you know, if you’re struggling to lose weight, you do worry.

A week ago, I’d been the lowest I’d been since the start of the year and here it is MAY and I’d finally gotten 7 pounds down. In one weekend I messed up it all.

Yes, it was a special occasion (it was my 50th birthday gift and Mother’s day), but that doesn’t matter or it shouldn’t. I should be able to do what everyone else can do. I should be able to lose 1 pound a week, but you know, I celebrate losses of .4. It’s pathetic.

I’ve been doing Weight Watchers for THREE YEARS, and YAY, I’ve lost 5 STINKIN’ POUNDS. I feel like giving up.

A few weeks ago, we went to Cheeburger Cheeburger, a yummy 50s style restaurant. The Girl loves it and she was right. It was fun and delicious.

However, nearly every other person in the place was overweight. Not a little. Not like, “I can stand to lose 20 pounds.” I’m talking Biggest Loser Week 1 heavy! I felt terrible sitting there. Was I going to look like that if I eat there?

Then there was this weird thought in my head. I looked at some of those people and I thought, “They don’t count points. They don’t worry about what they eat. They could have a chocolate peanut butter milkshake without feeling guilty.”

It seems like there was a freedom there. My biggest stumbling block is that food TASTES good and that’s what gets me eating when I’m not hungry. That’s what makes me want something fried and yummy but high in points. It’s what keeps me staring at my reflection and despairing that I’ll never get to my goal weight.

Then I watch the Biggest Loser and listen to these people talk about how unhappy they were when they were heavy. I listen to Jillian trying to get to the core of why they let themselves get this way and honestly, I can’t see some deep seated reason for me. I didn’t live through my parents’ divorce or watch my parents both eat until they were over 300 pounds. I don’t have a psychological reason for eating – I’m not trying to hide behind fat.

I lost 40 pounds on Atkins before my transplant and I kept it off for about 2 years. Then the prednisone and other drugs made it easy to gain the weight back. Now, I’m taking Prograf and according to Drugs.com one of the less common side effects in kidney transplant patients is weight gain. Is it possible that I’m fighting a losing battle?

I don’t want to use that as an excuse, and in July when I talk to my nephrologist I will ask him about it. I know I don’t track well enough. I hate tracking and I know that’s the problem. I just feel like when I have to write everything down, it means no more eating out, no more going to someone else’s house and eating. How can WW be a lifestyle if it means I never can do those things?

Seems like every weekend something comes up that sabotages the week. This weekend we have a wedding reception to go to, but fortunately, it’s at an Indian restaurant and I’m not a big fan of Indian food, so maybe I won’t eat much.

Today, I did some weights at the Y. I’ve let the weight training go because I don’t get points for that, but the last meeting was about metabolism and how important strength training is, so I’m trying to add more to increase my metabolism.

We’ll see how this next week goes.

Lots of stuff has happened since my last post. I got my New Hire forms from Weight Watchers and got them filled out and mailed back. Interestingly enough, I got another packet of new hire forms today, so I’m waiting to see if the other set never made it to where they were supposed to go.

I’m down 2.6 this week after being up 2.2. I think I’m tacking toward my goal weight, but this up and down is driving me crazy. I’ve been working out so hard, now that I’m going to work for them. I want to get to my goal weight as soon as possible. However, my plan to go to the gym today was demolished when, after I went last night, I woke up to very sore knees. So, I’m letting them rest a little.

Watched the Biggest Loser yesterday and I’m so proud of my girl, Kelly. I relate to her, a middle-aged woman who is trying to recapture herself. She was walking around like a victim for most of this season, but since that make-over, she’s had so much more confidence. I was so happy to see her above the yellow line! Go, Kelly!

Oh, and the boys cried again. I actually thought Mark’s plea to America was more appealing than Roger’s, “Oh, I haven’t changed at all here. Still the same guy. Hug me, America.” I hope he isn’t chosen for the finale.

Why on earth are they all such wienies???

A few weeks ago when Mark was voted off, leaving Jay, his brother, behind, I never saw such tears. Didn’t it used to be that “big boys didn’t cry”? I know all about being enlightened or in touch with your feminine side or whatever, but come on! When Brittany got voted off last week, you didn’t see such tears.

Then this week, two boys fell below the yellow line and the two girls, Ali and Kelly (the one I relate to the most), won the weigh-in, and for crying out loud (you’ll excuse the phrase) the tears started almost immediately from Dan and Mark. Dan has been kinda cocky these last few weeks, like suddenly he’s realized he’s actually one of the “popular kids” and he’s let it go to his head and doesn’t mind stomping on the less popular ones, in this case, the girls.

I wasn’t happy when the teams broke down into basically, boys vs. girls, and we all knew that eventually Dan’s mother (whose name escapes me right now) would be voted off and so would Bernie and it would really be BIG BOYS versus smaller girls. Then the boys just set their sites on systematically voting the girls off.

I honestly hoped the producers would step in and say, “Hey, let’s not make this a bloodbath – let’s shake up the teams.”

Now, though, they’re supposed to be individuals, but honest to Pete, that Blue Team alliance is about to make me lose my cookies! However, last night they were dealt a blow and I really wonder how things will change next week. The guys, and Bob, know now they don’t have it in the bag and Kelly finally has stopped looking like a victim. She’s spent weeks walking around like someone was going to hit her and finally she’s smiling and I’m sure she’s wearing that make-up she got at the makeover – where she looked pretty good for her age. I should look so good on a runway!

At least, none of the votes from the guys were for Jay who is still around so we don’t have the drama of “hey, bro, you voted for me, how come?” Of course, that would be interesting drama and maybe force a wedge in this unbreakable blue wall. Well, it has been broken a little, hasn’t it?

Thoughts? Class? Bueller? Beuller?