Lowering the Feed Limit

So, yesterday was weigh in day and again I was up. Since Mom’s death I’ve been having a hard time getting back into my tracking/eating right mode. I thought it might be a good idea for me to revisit the reasons I want to do this.

I’m a Biggest Loser addict and Jillian is always getting her people to dig deep and look at all the emotional/psychological reasons why they’re fat. I’ve looked. I don’t find anything deep.

My parents didn’t leave me. I wasn’t abused. I didn’t have some childhood or even adult trauma that has made me overweight.

I’m overweight because food tastes good and I eat not necessarily because I’m hungry but because food tastes good. They never really address that in Weight Watchers.

Anyway, I have to dig deep and find my motivation, so here is my list of reasons for wanting to lose weight, in no particular order.

1. I lost 40 pounds back in 1999 and kept it off for two years until my transplant. I liked how I looked back then. I want that back.

2. I want my clothes to fit better. I hate having pants be too tight around the waist.

3. I want my blood pressure to be lower. It’s not bad now, but it could be better.

4. I want to be able to say I’ve accomplished this. Lately, and for some time, I haven’t been feeling like there’s much in my life that I’ve accomplished and this is something I can do. I hope.

5. I want to be able to be happy when I look in the mirror or see a picture of myself. I want to have a beautiful picture of me to someday put on the back of a book!

6. I want to be a Weight Watcher leader. I want to have a job where I stand in front of people and motivate them.

There, ladies and gents, are my reasons. I want to get my motivation back.

Well, I’ve finished my second full week wearing this little gem.

Last week I figured I’d lose about 1.5 pounds so when I lost only .2 I was pretty upset. I couldn’t figure it out.

On Thursday, I had my coaching session with a Bodybugg coach. She walked me through the website and showed me some things I didn’t know about even with all my playing around on the site. She also said to give things another week and see what we might need to change.

Well, I started weighing my food after talking to her because, as she said, I might have been underestimating how big a portion I’m eating.

Well, what I found explains EVERYTHING – all the problems I’ve been having getting to my goal, all the weeks I should have been down and wasn’t, EVERYTHING!

Popcorn has more calories than I ever could have imagined.

I LOVE popcorn and clearly was underestimating how much of it I eat. I looked one night at how many calories I had left and thought I would figure out how much popcorn I could have. Turned out to be about two handfuls!

Not even a bowl full.

Seeing this, I realized that at least twice a week, I was eating half a big bowl (shared with Beloved), and I was assuming it was only a few cups and totally messing up the points (on WW) or calories.

This week I weighed everything (well, after Thursday’s coaching session).

I lost THREE pounds this week!!! Three pounds!!!

And that was being sick yesterday and not really being able to exercise much. We went to Pizza Hut on Friday and I went out with my writers’ group on Saturday! And I lost 3 pounds!

I love this little thing!!!

Okay, so it sounds like something you’d need to see a doctor for, but after having this thing for only two full days, I’m convinced it’s going to help me finally get a handle on this weight loss thing.

I first heard of the Bodybugg because I’m a Biggest Loser addict and this season (I think) I heard them talk about how the contestants all wore one and I saw a couple of them on the arms of people on the show.

I checked out the website and saw a little bit about what this little gadget can do.

I showed the information to my husband. He knows how much I’ve been struggling with my weight.

In 1999, I lost 40+ pounds doing the Atkins diet, under the supervision of a doctor in the Atkins Center in New York City. And just so you know, it wasn’t just unlimited meat and fat, and it was very restrictive for me due to my kidney situation.

Anyway, I kept that weight off for two years until I had my kidney transplant in 2001. Then, due to the strong meds I have to take, I gained it all back.

So, since 2005, when we moved to Baton Rouge, I’ve been trying to find a way to get back to my pre-transplant weight.

I’ve been doing Weight Watchers for three years and I love this program. I love the support of the meetings, I love the good nutrition information and the whole “This is a life style” approach to healthy eating.

When I did Atkins, I didn’t enjoy the “diet.” I enjoyed that the weight came off quickly and I had so much energy, but the idea of eating like that forever just freaked me out.

Never again have a bagel? Never be able to have a cupcake or muffin? And, frankly, the Aktins bars made me gag. (This was 10 years ago and things may have changed. This is just my opinion based on what I experienced then.)

The doctor I saw talked about eating this restrictive way for the rest of my life and I knew I wasn’t going to.

So, when we moved here, I took a couple of weight loss classes at our local Y and I never really learned anything new about food, but I learned about the cardio machines and I loved the group atmosphere – knowing other people who were going through the same thing.

And I did lose some weight with that.

However, our instructor got pregnant and stopped the weight loss classes.

I thought I knew what I needed to do so I figured I could do it on my own.

Well, as you can figure out, given this blog, I couldn’t do it on my own.

I stopped logging food, slacked off on the exercise and kinda gave up.

I realized I needed some kind of support. My sister-in-law was doing Weight Watchers so I suggested to my husband that I try that.

After joining WW, I got to -18 pounds at one point and I really wanted to work for WW. But I just, for whatever reason, couldn’t lose that last few pounds I needed.

I’m back on the program now, and I’ve been doing pretty well. For the last two weeks I’ve done better tracking and have lost.

My husband has been talking about getting me a Bodybugg for awhile, and Friday when he came home from work he gave it to me.

Apparently, he’d ordered it without telling me and it was at our front door and I didn’t know it.

This cute little electronic gadget straps to my upper arm, against my tricep muscle, and it keeps track of all the calories I’m burning all the time. It uses body temp, air temp, heart rate and other body indicators to calculate my calorie burn.

BodyBugg

Then with a USB cable I can download that information into my computer and it shows me, in 15 minute intervals, the number of calories per minute – on average – I burned at that time.

It can also show me how many steps I’ve taken. It’s interesting to look at the chart and see that I took three steps at 3 am while I was asleep!

Beloved likes to look with me and figure out how many calories I burned cleaning the guinea pig cages or going to Mass. He’s actually jealous now. Hee Hee.

Like other weight loss programs, I need to log my food and then the program figures out what my calorie surplus or deficit is. Of course, to lose weight I need a deficit. So far, for the weekend, I had an almost 2000 calorie deficit.

The neat thing about this is, I’m aware that it’s tracking the calories all the time so I want to be more active. I know that typing on the computer isn’t burning very much, so already today, I’ve folded a load of laundry and swept the deck, just to get a little extra calories burned.

Always before, when I was only counting points, I was dependent on how intense I thought an exercise was. I could ride my bike at home and assume it was high intensity, but as the monitor on the bike is broken, I don’t know how fast or how far I rode. I think I overestimated my exercise points sometimes.
With the Bodybugg I can’t really do that. On the other hand, WW doesn’t give you many exercise points for weight training but my informal survey seems to indicate that I work off almost the same amount of calories lifting as walking.

I intend to say with Weight Watchers because I love the support system and their plan is something you can live with. I like actually tracking calories rather than points, though.

So far, I’ve only had this toy two days, so I can’t say whether I”ve lost any weight using it. I do have a weigh-in in a little while, but this won’t be an accurate test, but we’ll see how next week goes.

We went to Greenwood Plantation Saturday for a romantic overnight stay. It was wonderful, and beautiful as you can see from the picture above. We didn’t actually stay in the plantation itself but on the other side of a small lake, but we toured the plantation house twice and took a ton of pictures. I have an idea for a new book, this one a ghost story.

The biggest problem with this trip was that when I came back I’d gained 2.2 pounds. Beloved said not to worry; we were going to handle it, but you know, if you’re struggling to lose weight, you do worry.

A week ago, I’d been the lowest I’d been since the start of the year and here it is MAY and I’d finally gotten 7 pounds down. In one weekend I messed up it all.

Yes, it was a special occasion (it was my 50th birthday gift and Mother’s day), but that doesn’t matter or it shouldn’t. I should be able to do what everyone else can do. I should be able to lose 1 pound a week, but you know, I celebrate losses of .4. It’s pathetic.

I’ve been doing Weight Watchers for THREE YEARS, and YAY, I’ve lost 5 STINKIN’ POUNDS. I feel like giving up.

A few weeks ago, we went to Cheeburger Cheeburger, a yummy 50s style restaurant. The Girl loves it and she was right. It was fun and delicious.

However, nearly every other person in the place was overweight. Not a little. Not like, “I can stand to lose 20 pounds.” I’m talking Biggest Loser Week 1 heavy! I felt terrible sitting there. Was I going to look like that if I eat there?

Then there was this weird thought in my head. I looked at some of those people and I thought, “They don’t count points. They don’t worry about what they eat. They could have a chocolate peanut butter milkshake without feeling guilty.”

It seems like there was a freedom there. My biggest stumbling block is that food TASTES good and that’s what gets me eating when I’m not hungry. That’s what makes me want something fried and yummy but high in points. It’s what keeps me staring at my reflection and despairing that I’ll never get to my goal weight.

Then I watch the Biggest Loser and listen to these people talk about how unhappy they were when they were heavy. I listen to Jillian trying to get to the core of why they let themselves get this way and honestly, I can’t see some deep seated reason for me. I didn’t live through my parents’ divorce or watch my parents both eat until they were over 300 pounds. I don’t have a psychological reason for eating – I’m not trying to hide behind fat.

I lost 40 pounds on Atkins before my transplant and I kept it off for about 2 years. Then the prednisone and other drugs made it easy to gain the weight back. Now, I’m taking Prograf and according to Drugs.com one of the less common side effects in kidney transplant patients is weight gain. Is it possible that I’m fighting a losing battle?

I don’t want to use that as an excuse, and in July when I talk to my nephrologist I will ask him about it. I know I don’t track well enough. I hate tracking and I know that’s the problem. I just feel like when I have to write everything down, it means no more eating out, no more going to someone else’s house and eating. How can WW be a lifestyle if it means I never can do those things?

Seems like every weekend something comes up that sabotages the week. This weekend we have a wedding reception to go to, but fortunately, it’s at an Indian restaurant and I’m not a big fan of Indian food, so maybe I won’t eat much.

Today, I did some weights at the Y. I’ve let the weight training go because I don’t get points for that, but the last meeting was about metabolism and how important strength training is, so I’m trying to add more to increase my metabolism.

We’ll see how this next week goes.

I didn’t update yesterday’s post, but I was down .4 at the weigh in. Yeah, it’s not a lot. In fact it means that in three weeks, I was only down .2.

Still though, since the WW topic was positive thoughts, I will keep in mind that this is the lowest I’ve been since the beginning of the year. Yeah, it’s been 5 months, but I’m already convinced that it’s going to take me years to get down another 10 pounds, the amount I need to lose to start working for WW and then another 10 to be at the top of my healthy weight. AND if you’ve read this blog before, you’ll know I want to lose another 12 pounds after that to be at the weight I was the morning of my kidney transplant.

Today so far, I’ve had 4 points for breakfast and did 41 minutes of stationary bike riding while watching In Plain Sight on Hulu.com.

Now to make my famous/favorite salad!

I don’t know what happened today, but I was down .4! I’m totally stunned. I mean, we went to Carrabba’s on Saturday and I ate bread, Mozzarella sticks, most of the entree and half a dessert. I guess I must have done better the rest of the week than I thought.

The Girl was with me today as we had to run some errands after and since I was down, she “convinced” me to go out to lunch. I will admit to a splurgy lunch, but I had my normal lunch salad for supper so that might have made up for it.

Tomorrow, since I don’t have any thing on the calendar, I’ll be sure to ride the bike. With the Girl home, she can be my coach.

Any of you that read this, stop by www.nancysbrandt.com to see what else is going on in my life and if you are a digital scrapbooker, you’ll find some fun downloads, too!

I told you I was getting serious and here I am, not updating this thing.

Well, with the Girl being home and acting like a Nazi coach, in the last two weeks, I’ve lost a net of 2.4 pounds!

Do you understand what that means?

Over Christmas week I LOST 2.8 pounds! That’s with the Grandparents here. Grandparents that buy bread and treats. My mother-in-law talks about wanting to lose weight, but she enjoys her chips and ice cream and cookies. I think part of my victory was because I wanted to show that I could do it even with the holidays and show her that you don’t just give up. I don’t know if she’ll notice or even care, but I was pretty proud of myself.

Last week, after New Year’s, I did gain .4 but that’s not too bad, I don’t think and what I’ve learned from watching The Biggest Loser is that a great week is often followed by a not so great week, so over all I’m pretty happy.

I didn’t track as well last week, so I’m trying harder this week.

I was out of the Weight Watchers loop for awhile because of the thyroid-ectomy, the subsequent discovery of cancer and treatment. When I went back I’d gained six pounds. Not totally surprising but still not something I was happy about. The next week, I was up a little bit, too.

However, I went back to meetings and turns out that the day they announced the new Momentum plan at my regular meeting, both Beloved and the Girl went to the meeting with me. Now the Girl is home from college and I was down a little the next meeting. However, this last meeting, Monday, I was up .2 even with her nagging me about tracking and all. I know it’s not a lot and I know that “it’s almost like maintaining” but I’m not happy.

For a long time I’ve suspected that there is something about me that makes it hard for the program to work for me and I get discouraged. I can stick faithfully to my points and work out hard several times a week, but I have no confidence when I weigh in that I’ll be down.

However, there isn’t any other option. I am now only about 4.2 pounds lighter than the weight I started WW at 3.5 years ago, and this just isn’t acceptable. I want to be at the weight I was the morning of the transplant – 143. I’d be thrilled to be at 155 – the top of my healthy weight range, but ultimately I’d love to be at 140.

I have to keep going. I have to be diligent about my points. I HAVE TO DO THIS.

Worked out for 50 minutes today – 7 points to save for Christmas day.

Monday when I went to Weight Watchers, I was up 6.8 pounds. Not truly surprising as I was off my thyroid meds for over four weeks and not really exercising at all, given that I was off said meds and kinda tired most of the time or isolated due to the radioactive iodine.

This week I did cardio twice (so far) and all my weight machines once. I should have gone today, but time just didn’t allow for it as I hd to take the Boy to his language therapy and then bring the Girl home from college around lunch time. Between those two things and housework, it just didn’t happen.

However, with the Girl home this weekend, I’m going to go to the Y tomorrow. I promised the Boy breakfast at Sonic, but of course, there’s nothing on their menu that’s WW friendly, so the Girl is going to take him while I run to the Y. She really is a good daughter!

I might get a chance to go again on Sunday but we’ll have to see. Usually the Boy wants to go swimming and if I can talk the Girl into watching him while I work out, that would be sweet, but if she doesn’t want to go, then I’ll end up watching him instead of working out. We’ll see what happens.

We got rid of the cable box so I won’t be able to watch Biggest Loser anymore and right after Amy did the “unthinkable” and voted against the Blue Team!!! She’s in for it now, I’m afraid.

I haven’t posted in a while, but I honestly think it doesn’t matter too much. I’m sure there aren’t many readers out there and the ones that are there probably get tired of hearing my fuss about this.

I’m still trying to loss that last five pounds in order to be able to start training to work for Weight Watchers. I also found out today that the temp leader we’ve been having is going to be permanent and I’m glad because I think I can “work” with her.

Last Monday I was up 1.2 (I’d been lazy in the tracking thing), but I’d lost 1.4 the week before THAT, so I felt okay about everything. Turns out that all the people that stayed for the meeting, at least the ones open enough to talk and laugh about it, were up, so we did a lot of laughing about would the receptionist ever announce that “this week we gained 5 pounds!”? It was the kind of meeting I like, when we talk and laugh together and kinda bond.

This week, I was good. I tracked everything. I worked out and made choices based on my points and really tried.

I was up 3.6 pounds! The only explanation I can come up with is we had ham barbeque last night, which was made in the crock pot with deli ham. I had two sandwiches (had done 65 minutes on the bike at the Y – 9 points) so I could handle it points-wise, but I realized today it was probably FILLED with sodium. What a dumbo! (to quote Donna Nobel from Doctor Who)

The upshot of this is that now I’m EIGHT pounds from 165, the weight I have to be to even think about working for WW.

I know there are some of you (one?) who are wondering why I even still want to work for them. To be honest, my excitement about this is waning. I really thought I’d be at 165 by the end of the summer, and friends, I have been trying. My family will tell you I have, but at this point, no matter how well I track, work out and make good choices, I have no idea when I head to the weigh-in on Monday whether the scale will be up or down.

Sometimes it’s down and I think, Yea, I’ve figured this out, but I do the same or better the next week and the numbers go up. I worry that even if I do get to the goal weight I can stay there. I’m sure menopause has something to do with and of course, apparently there is a thyroid problem (the endocrinologist wants to take it out, too, so that’s probably what will happen over Christmas break – yea.)

The good thing is I’ve stopped crying about it. Today I’m tempted, of course. I mean, THREE POUNDS, almost FOUR?? How do I recover from that??

But, I feel like there’s no option. I mean, I could quit WW altogether, but then where will I be? Back at 188 in no time, I’m sure. I mean, I do know how to make good choices and all that, but if I try to do it by myself, as my sister-in-law is doing, I know it wouldn’t last two weeks, and I’d be back to grazing whenever I feel like it. At least tracking makes me think about my food intake.

I am discouraged, but as I say at the top, I’m coping. I will brush myself off and keep going, but I wonder if I really ever will see my goal weight as all the leaders keep promising.